FOR SUCH IS LIFE

 FOR SUCH IS LIFE

“What the hell are you doing with your life?”

If this is a game can we please press pause. I could barely breath. My head was spinning but I wasn’t dizzy. My heart was racing, and my vision became a little blurry. So, this is what a panic attack feels like! I grabbed onto my chest as I tried to calm my mind. “You will figure it out”

For as long as I can remember, I wanted to move abroad. It was my dream since I saw the light of day. I also wanted to do music. In all honesty I did not care what I sang as long as I was on stage and the crowd never booed me out. Granted, I was never a naturally born singer, however I persisted to hold concerts in the shower and in my living room when I was home alone or not, I cannot remember at this point. I constantly troubled my poor father to get me in the studio, but did he know where to start? Anyways, an artist moved into one of our rentals and my dad got me a session with him. I have never been angrier at my father. How dare you find a way to give me my dream? What will I have after that? Then eventually I got the opportunity to move abroad and again on the flight to where I was going, I wondered, “what now?” Weeks after I arrived abroad, I had constant panic attacks. I did not know what I wanted anymore. Everything I truly longed for I got. I was done and that point I thought, you get what you want and there was something like a finish line. A winner’s medal? A rest? An applause at least? None? Rude but okay! I got the rude awakening that life goes on. More challenges and responsibility and the worst part was I was in an unfamiliar place to navigate this.

 I know, spoiled little brat you might say, and I would agree. However, it’s a lesson best learned earlier than later. What are you so badly chasing? For what purpose? Then what happens? In my case music and moving abroad. For me I considered this not only peak success but a foundation of my happiness. Describe your success however you will but your happiness will never stem from pure sweat and did. Your success cannot be a foundation of your happiness. When you get that which you so desire, you are still you. It does not magically change your internal world. You get it, then what? If your goal is to seek fulfillment and happiness in your achievements, you my lovely reader are on the wrong journey. I would say I want to do music so that I get famous and perform and have money. The question is then what? You get it then what? Then I will be happy. And there is the root of all problems.

There is a saying that goes, wherever you go there you are. I moved abroad but I was still the same kid. A sad little passive aggressive girl. This used to be the fuel to my hard work. I would get so angry that I had to succeed. Like I had something to prove. To whom? Myself! My fuel and drive stemmed from a not so positive place and so when I achieved that which I longed for I felt like an imposter. That my dear lovely reader is where imposter syndrome stems from.

 

I use many, many words to simply ask why do you want what you want? What happens after you get what you want?

I will make a bold statement to say, you do not have to wait to get what you desire to feel fulfilled and have joy in your life. The statement, wherever you go there you are also can be used in a positive light. When your spirit is at peace and joyful even in what seems like the worst of circumstances, you will still feel peace. A peace that transcends all understanding.

Philippians 4:7 NIV- And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

 

 Look at Paul the Apostle, even as he was in chains and being poured out like a drink offering, he managed to rejoice.

Philippians 1:18-19NIV- Yes, I will continue to rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and God’s provision of the spirit of Jesus Christ what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance.

 

Why do you think this is so?

Philippians 4:12-13NIV- I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

Are you content in every and any situation?

Do you want to be?

Paul said he has learnt the secret. Have you?

The actual revelation is to realise where joy stems from. Where peace, love and power stems from. Where your actual life stems from.

Paul was previously known as Saul. He was a well-established Hebrew, a pharisee, clearly considered an honourable man to society, faultless in accordance with the previous law and zealously persecuted Christians (Phil 3:3-6).  He had drive, he had fame and he had success. Much like what the world offers, yet he got converted and he was now the one being persecuted. Still, he utters profound words: To live is Christ and to die is gain. (Phil 1:21)

Philippians 3:7- But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ.

All words uttered by Paul can only be uttered by a mind that has been renewed. By a heart that has been converted. By a spirit that has seen what life really is and a soul that is at rest.

Again, I ask you what is it that you desire? For what purpose and then what?

At the end of his life this is what Paul says:

2 Timothy 4:7-8- I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is instore for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge will award me on that day- and not only to me, but to all those who have longed for his appearing.

 

What are you working towards that will be instore for you at the end of your life? What if your life is cut short before you are old and grey? What if it is tomorrow, what if it is now? What is all of this for? Never say it can’t happen to you. (Heavily inspired by the femicide happening in Kenya)

 

Again, I urge you to think on this. Do not waste your life away in the name of being young:

Ecclesiastes 12:1- Remember your creator in the day of your youth, before the days of trouble come and the years approach when you will say, ‘I find no pleasure in them’-

 

But you can also choose to wait for your comeuppance.

 

 I will conclude with a message from the author of the wise text above:

Proverbs 3:1-2: My son, do not forget my teaching but keep my commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring you peace and prosperity.