Cruising through life

  A SPECIAL SKILL~DISSOCIATION “Change is nature’s delight.” I remember reading this  quote while I was much younger and wondered why people struggle with change, I LOVED CHANGE! Change is the only constant in life, they say, and it gives you a story to talk about! However, I did not realise that to me change was my drug. That was my high. I needed things to change constantly! I did not care what direction that meant, whether good or bad. I just needed some sort of high.  Now the high school I attended was my drug dealer and I was always high. Nothing was constant in that school. All change always leaned towards a negative direction. As you know humans are creatures of adaptation and we quickly knew how to survive. This was our peak teenage years so everyone there was insane, myself included. I was addicted to change to a point where if there was no change I got sick. LITERALLY!!It became second to my chaos addiction. I recall in 2021 when we went back to school afte...

  ABILITY TO COMMUNICATE AND RECEIVE LOVE PART ONE Love is a concept that I have so long struggled to grasp.  It made me feel uncomfortable and out of edge, yet it was something I worked so hard to understand and gain. Saying “I love you to someone” felt like I had to break all my bones. A bit exaggerated but truly how my inner being felt. I struggled with friendships because most of the friendships I made in primary school always had a motive. It was almost as if people were on a mission to hurt me or humble me. They thrived when my reputation was in the gutters. When I cried. Anytime I felt good about myself they would make it known that I am “feeling myself” in a negative light. Whenever I performed well in my examinations, they made sure to humble me.  I remember crying uncontrollably at home. To a point I felt like I could not breathe. My mother knew something was wrong and I just did not know how to explain it but what for what I could she responded with, “...