I PAY HOMAGE

 I PAY HOMAGE

You know I started this blog to put to rest some thoughts in my head but also to help me articulate those thoughts. When is start writing I have to focus on a thought and get it out in one way or the other even when I don’t really know where it’s going. This is one of those times.

There is a feeling I have been having for a while now and it is almost described as a deep gratitude but also a deep confusion.

Deep Gratitude:

I would never consider myself a tough person. You know those people who could go through anything and make their way through them? Nope, not me. Deep down I know there are things that would totally crush me and quite honestly I wouldn’t even try get through them. I would call it quits! Immediately!

The past year, however, taught me different. Nope, still not a tough person. I learnt that people can get through anything. However, as we all know, it changes our perspective of the world. I have had the privilege to speak to people from all sorts of backgrounds and cultures and it is one of the most humbling experiences. There is everything out here.  There are people living very desirable lives and there are people struggling everyday to make ends meet. There are people with little traumatic experiences and there are people who are battling them every other day. There are people healing and there are people who have no time for it. There are hopeful people and there are people whose hope died. Their minds is what intrigues me. I see how they deal with situations and how they look at it. How deeply moving when you see someone making decisions from their point of view.

I knew this but seeing it hits a little different. This made me be more aware of my perspective and circumstances.Last year, I made a personal decision to intentionally heal from any sort of thing I deemed a traumatic experience and my oh my! how the world has regained colour.

It’s funny because some of the tough experiences I went through are actually some of my strengths at the moment!

I would talk about luck but that would also not be entirely true.

In Exodus 15:26, the Lord describes himself as a healer. “for I am the Lord who heals you”

He heals you wholly. He sees your infirmities and heals it. He sees you heart hurting and heals it. 

I’ve always been a fan of healing but before I gave my life to Christ, I did it in all the wrong directions. The more I “healed” the more I withdrew from people. I became jaded. I didn’t consider it a bad thing but it made me hide who I was as a person, which in turn would cause me to wonder what was wrong with me.

The healing God is helping me through, is one that I have a companion. I don’t feel alone. I have someone I can actually trust. This is how you get to have peace in the midst of chaos. You are in it with someone you trust. The boat can’t sink. The house can’t collapse no matter how hard the earth tries to shake it. It becomes fundamentally impossible. You can fall from a 3 story building and know that you will still be caught. It makes a whole lot of a difference when you have security. 

This is not a physical thing. 

Your heart is at rest. Your mind stops wondering and  your spirit is calm. Your flesh tries fall back to its insecurities but it can’t last. Not with the relationship you have.

I don’t think you understand, a relationship with God is AN ACTUAL RELATIONSHIP!!! 

Yet is the most important one I’ve ever had. I feel like I can’t believe that I get to experience this. I did not know it would be so satisfying. Like taking a cold drink after a hot day in the sun.

No words can describe how incredibly grateful I am. I am so thankful.

I pay homage 

Deep confusion:

It all begins here:

”But as it is written: “Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, Nor have entered into the heart of man The things which God has prepared for those who love Him.”“

I Corinthians 2:9 NKJV

So what I realised is that there is never an end point. I mean, there is no point you say I have seen all the works of God. I know what He will do. I know all of who God is, you know?

It is written, to walk in faith not by sight. 

There is soo much contextually that might not be in line with your hopes  and dreams then suddenly everything falls into place. Then you understand that your life was not falling apart it was falling into place.

Recently my life has been a testament to this but my little brain can’t wrap itself around it.

I am not sure how to feel or how to act towards this. 

The song: Way maker by Leeland, talks about how God is still working even when we don’t see it. 

The song: Intentional by Travis Greene basically means that nothing is a coincidence.

So the things I considered “trauma” were used for my good? God knew he would heal me and make them one of my strengths now? For sure I tell you, I wouldn’t have made it this far under my current circumstances if I hadn’t gone through everything I went through with the people who were there.

Everything that happened was just perfectly woven for my lifestyle.Any more and I would have been a goner, any less and I still would be a goner.

Wow!

Isn’t God good?

I pay homage.