VULNERABILITY & OPENNESS

 VULNERABILITY & OPENNESS 

Vulnerability- the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.

Working in retail opened my eyes to see that people have so much they want to share to anyone whose willing to listen. They share a couple of stories and I see how satisfied they are after.

Everyone has a story and you do too.

I didn’t even know that I struggled with being open until I started getting comments like “you don’t talk about your family” “you didn’t tell me your have a sibling” “I didn’t know you moved” “you haven’t told me anything about yourself”

I also got uncomfortable when I got the most basic of questions like “hey, did you talk to your parents?” “Hey, where were you this weekend” “hey, what are you studying” “where are you studying” 

It was never about the question. I would wonder , “why do they wanna know?” How will this information help you? 

In all honesty, I actually felt like a very open person but my environment has changed so drastically and I’m around people who share more of themselves. Not wild secrets just the basic stuff and for some reason that made me so uncomfortable. I preferred that we either share wild deep stuff or nothing at all.

Being around this for quite sometime makes you wonder, “I’m I okay or is everyone weird?” After months of constant back and forth with myself, the truth is it’s purely me. I wouldn’t know what to call it but I guess for now we’ll call this a ‘healing journey’.

They say a problem shared is half solved. I had customers coming in and told me the most traumatic of events in their lives and it would just be a normal conversation. Never in a millions years would I talk about something close to my heart and make it sound so trivial. 

The thing is, I expected whenever I share anything, for the other person to feel it with the same intensity that I do. 

If I talk about something traumatic that happened, I would expect that they feel the pain I went through and understand why I am the way I am. Obviously that’s not possible. And most times I shared anything they didn’t seem to get it. And in turn, I took it personally. As a result they would mostly use what I shared against me.

The truth is, in that, I expected them to validate my emotions. I didn’t know if it was valid enough to feel how I felt given the circumstances. Besides, I have more to be grateful for right? Good family, living okay, studies are going great, so why was I so unsatisfied?

Regardless of your circumstances and background,  life has its share of challenges. To each their own. Unless someone has fully undergone what you have then they will not fully understand how you feel. Empathy is good but you cannot expect it.

Part of my healing journey was obviously finding God. Truly felt his presence through working things out with myself and for the first time,I felt truly understood and validated. Once this happened I thought, this proves that I don’t really need anyone. From that I became totally closed off because now I wasn’t seeking empathy or validation for being sad anymore.

Then God placed me in an environment where everyone is open. From my work, to school, to church. It was soo awkward for me at first. I tried to share bits and pieces but it just didn’t feel enough. Sometimes I’d share something and feel so seen,  I needed to hide (didn’t actually). But that’s the thing, why was it a big deal? 

We make excuses that people do not  need to know this information. It’s true. They don’t need to but why do you feel the need to hide it? Why are you uncomfortable when it is brought up? Why do you change the subject? That’s where you should start. Ask yourself why its triggering and find out where it springs from. Healing is an up and down journey and such emotions are the symptoms to something that’s ailing you. Are you willing to find out what it is?

Being open and vulnerable with how you feel will never be about the other person. It’ll always be about you. Validate your own feelings. The more you talk about it the less power it has over you. It is freeing. Allow yourself to take up space. I’m not saying dump all your business to everyone. I’m saying it doesn’t have to be a big deal to share whenever you choose to. The saying a problem shared is half solved is soo true. Tell your tales for you to hear. Don’t lock them in. Have a beautiful circle of friends who will listen and give you a safe space but don’t expect them to feel it as deeply as you do. 

Being open and vulnerable and being yourself regardless of how the message is received is truly being a ‘strong character’.